ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
