Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
