I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
