New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
