No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
