Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
