Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
