I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
