Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
