i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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