I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm just crazy horny about you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
