The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
