its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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