my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
