Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
