I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
