You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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