party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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