last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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