The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
