someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Come on in and take your pants off
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