this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
