I'm lost and stupid without you.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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