Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I could fuck to npr.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
