Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
