I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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