Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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