and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
