Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
