I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about my life...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
