shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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