Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
