Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did I show you my penis last night?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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