I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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