Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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