playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
