I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
