Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
