The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
