if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
