She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
