Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
