capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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