Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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