i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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