Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
