Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
