LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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