well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
