I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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